Vacations. They’re another type of trip. Vacations became especially fun for me when I was around 13. I used to like to go on vacations and try to hook up with AMGAP, as many girls as possible. Vacations were a good way to release built up raging hormones. I never kissed many girls at home, especially not in Chicago. Then I went on my last vacation, a 40-day trip through the west coast, with the intent to get with AMGAP, but then I met this girl…
Spain. For the first time ever I left on an intercontinental trip. This trip was more than a vacation, but not quite a move. I stayed with a family I’d never met for a month, the longest time away from home by a considerable margin. I learned how to speak decent Spanish which helped me achieve my first A in Spanish and become a student teacher for my Spanish teacher. I tried foods I would never consider eating here. I stayed with a boy around my age and then he came and lived with me for a month. Just when I thought that was the best summer possible 2009 came...
West Coast Connections American Voyageur Trip 2, the best trip of my life. It was 40-day tour of the west coast with 40 awesome kids to go with, what could be better? This became my longest time away from home. I made great new friends. I also meet the girl I want to marry. On this trip I learned so many life skills like doing the laundry and cooking.
Life. What a trip. I’ve learned a lot from my past trips, and I’ll take many more in life. Soon I’m going to college, what a trip! Who knows where these future trips will take me.
i love the story line of taking trips. its a really creative thread. i am not crazy about the last paragraph. it kind of sums it up. and the AMGAP paragraph is confusing for me. If you wana keep the thing about college maybe say like "And next year i will be taking a trip to college....."
ReplyDeleteMatt,
ReplyDeleteI am gonna have to agree with Taylor here. I too enjoy your thread of "trips" or moving and vacations; however, the last paragraph takes away from the strength of the rest or the piece. Like she said, it sums up your story and doesn't allow for the reader to make connections and build a mental picture of you as an individual. I especially like how you end each paragraph or section with the most positive thing that came out of each move or vacation. This gives the reader a chance to observe what makes you happy and what helps you "settle in" after a move or trip to a new place. To get under the word count just eliminate the last paragraph.
Good work here!
matt!! yea so i am late on the post, sorry this weekend has kinda gotten away from me. anyway...
ReplyDeletei like the first and third paragraph the most they are more focused and they are easy to follow, the line, "and become a student teacher for my Spanish teacher" i think you can take out if you are looking for places to cut your word count down. i think that if you stick to the format you used in the first and third paragraph it will sound smoother. great threadm it really shows a lot about you!!